Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
