i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
