Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
