I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
