my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
