Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
