Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think I sprained my soul last night
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
