I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour