Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.