I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Everyone says I win the strip club
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'