2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night