a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
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He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?