i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I ejaculated my soul out.