the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
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All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.