i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
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Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things