you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
