This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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