Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
