Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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