he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Vodka?
Forever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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