I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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