They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
