i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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