I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
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that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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