Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
