I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
