I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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