If that was your dad, he is hot
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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