when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
