I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
