Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
