i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
