there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
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You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
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well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I wear drunk well.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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