i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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