why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
