Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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