Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
