Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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