It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
