Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's official drugs can't kill me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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