my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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