booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
