Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
How external is "for external use only"?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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