I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
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i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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