i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
