sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize