Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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