i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize