I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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