I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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