Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
