You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
