At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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