How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
