just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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