Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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