i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
