Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
