enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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