Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
