I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
