he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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