My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
