Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
