If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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