I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
