Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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