I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
