sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
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He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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