guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
