Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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