If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
