i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
