You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
