Will you blow on my dice?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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