So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
