Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
