don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
