How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
