the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
