My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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