mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
