When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
