Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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