I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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