And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
