there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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