i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
