That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
