I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
