I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
vagina is talking i cant
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
