So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
