She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
