If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
