ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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