Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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