we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
