at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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