Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
