I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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