You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
