She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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