Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
